The Best of Both Worlds?
I've said this before. I was never quite sure whether I wanted to have kids or not. It is one of those things I kind of left to the universe. It wasn't in my thoughts as a little girl, and even though I had dolls, I'm pretty sure I played the part of independent woman more often than I played house. So when the universe decided that motherhood was in the cards for me, I was surprised, and thrilled. I can honestly say that when I found out I was pregnant, a wave of calm washed over me. I knew that I was meant for this new role. What I didn't immediately consider was how it may effect the where and when of our life.
NYC is equally fabulous and revolting. It is a multi million dollar town home, with vomit on the steps from someone's booze infused evening. In the summer it smells like urine and trash. I can't wait to hit the GW bridge in my quest to find a breathe of fresh air on Fridays, after we finally navigate through rush hour traffic. In the winter the wind whips through the streets as the skyscrapers create the perfect tunnel for the ice cold air to snap at your face on your morning commute. I find the same bittersweet sentiment when I think of raising Morrison here. On one hand "city kids" are tough and cultured. They ride the subway, and have access to a plethora of museums. They somehow seem to have a sense of self and an educated opinion at a young age. On the other they lack the innocence that I remember as a child. Exposed to homelessness and brutal ambition they grow up really fast. They battle to get into the right schools, they are interviewed at age 1 for pre-school, and evaluated on whether they have the skills to get in. The thought of it all is exhausting to me, and makes me question if we should stay.
Our weekends away in Upstate NY are relaxing and nice. They make me grateful I have an escape from my day to day chaos. However, I never appreciated the slow pace and friendliness when I was little. Moving to New York was my dream, and the bustle called my name. If we were to relocate permanently would Mo feel the same boredom that I did? Would he appreciate the local food and view of the mountains as a child?
All of this weighs heavy on my mind as my husband and I discuss next steps. In the end I think flexibility may win out. Although we don't travel much, I think at heart we both crave freedom. This means being tied to a school district could pose some issues. The ability to go back and forth between city and country is appealing, which means home school for our babe. An option that i think I would be overjoyed with. Life becomes both more complicated and simplified at the same time somehow, when children are involved. You over think each decision until you come to your senses and realize as long as you love with all your heart, your child will be fine.